Thai Language "I botched it"

Image via WikipediaI just read a very funny article submitted in our forum about the humour and embarrassment between languages.  So now its time for me to confess my stumbles in learning / speaking Thai

I was the driver for my three (3) Thai friends to visit an Asia supermarket in Perth. While pushing the shopping trolley I asked Khun Pair (thai student) “what’s the word for Trolley?"

Her answer (I've forgotten) was challenged by Khun Tong (ladyboy thai student). We resolved the definition with a ruling from khun Angella (thai visitor and adopted mum of the two students).

The conversation drifted to the appropriate word for “driver” (of a vehicle) being “cup" as opposed to "Kee" which is more appropriate when you put your leg over something, like a motor bike or an Elephant...  ok but not ok...

As the 2 students dashed ahead Angella laughed to herself and then explained.. she told me the slang word “kee por” (meaning wife rides husband)!!!!  ah haa funny guy me.. thinks I would test my skill on the unsuspecting students. But I mangled it…

I said PaW (raising) instead of Por (middle). One is father and the other is Husband

So when I thought I was being cheeky, talking stating "Wife riding husband" they were bemused by my sicko atttidue of "wife ride daddy".

Being polite they said nothing, they looked down with a sense of disgust and walk off?
It was apparent by their body language my humour was not right?

I did not understand .....  yet Angella was rolling in tears of laughter… how can there be 2 radical reactions ?

I stood puzzled by the diverse reaction and turned to Angella seeking guidance. Angella graciously explained my foible or rather fetish. She thought it was hilarious that I made such a mess of it. I immediately chased after the 2 Thai students trying to explain the intended joke ... eventually I managed to convince them I did not have such tendencies or perverted thoughts..

At the time it was most awkward but now we look back and laugh about it a lot.   The more I quote this story the more confident I am about learning from mistakes...

Equally the opposite happened

Khun Pim was visiting from Thailand. There was a plumbing problem in the house and I mentioned I must attend when I get home from work. When I arrived Pim proudly bosted how she fixed the plumbing problem.

I looked quite surpirsed and having inspected the repairs I returned to the kitchen and praised her skill and said "how did you know how to do that"

Pic left: Khun Pim

Khun Pim looked me squarely in the eyes and produced a big beaming smile and an expression of great satisfaction and achievement, like someone was giving a speech for saving the world!

She boldly declared "I'm a pervert"!!

I recall coughing up my glass of water, whipped the spill from my face and said "your a what"?

again she said "Pervert", my expression had changed from humble to disbelief as I said "are you sure". By this stage Khun Pim realised something was wrong, her expression changed to a puzzled look but yet she continued to pursue the stance of a winner.

I explained what a "pervert" is and she was horrified.

We went back over the options and resolved that she wanted the word "Expert" and moved forward. It's now 2 years later and I use this example every few months, it always gets a laugh and opens up the channels for everyone to start trying speak another language without fear of too much embarrassment.

The article that I just read is submitted in our Forum - it's very funny but there are some rude words so we shifted the article to Members only - this link - click here

There are articles about Tongue twisters in the  forum .. use ths tag word "compare" to see them - click here

Puns for those with a higher IQ

Do you understand English

Image via Wikipedia 

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.  

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

How to Bungle the Thai Language

Image via WikipediaI’ve lost count of how many times I’ve left Thailand for a return trip home only to have someone ask me, “So how much Taiwanese do you speak?” When I tell them that I don’t speak a single word, the quizzical look I get Priceless! 

Reporter: Lucky

Thais, of course, speak Thai, of which the spoken part is a branch of the Tai-Kadai language, which originated in Southern China. The written part of Thai is based on Khmer, which is based on Indic, which is based on ancient Sanskrit. So, as you can see, it’s quite confusing - and we haven’t even talked about writing or speaking yet.

To many foreigners, speaking Thai is hugely challenging to do - even more difficult to do well (unless you’re a super-talented polyglot freak like Andrew Biggs, well known in Thailand for his ease with speaking Thai).

This is mainly because Thai is tonal, which means that the same word means different things depending on how you say it. I offer examples that will give you an idea of how much trouble you can get into if you say PEee (older person, used with respect) instead of peEE (ghost).

WARNING SOME MATERIAL MAY BE CONSIDERED OFFENSIVE so if may be offended .. please do not read..  the comments were intended to show the humour of "such is life" but if you don't think that some rude words can do that then please do not read.... 

Here are a few interesting foibles of Thai Language.  Teaching ... and Thai students ...

Being teenagers, they were obsessed with their looks, and often asked, “Teacher, am I beautiful?“ Whenever a woman asks you this, there’s only one answer - yes. Naturally wanting to be polite you would sat the Thai word for beautiful - suay - but it can be met by horrified stares because you might be saying SUay (falling tone) instead of suAY (rising tone). So .. how it sounded ... Student: Teacher, am I beautiful? Me: Yes, you are cursed.

Below are a few more situations some words that, if said incorrectly, could land you in either a world of trouble or embarrassment, so be careful.

Another situation ... at a restaurant with some female friends, I asked them how to ask for dipping sauce - naam (water) jim (dip). But instead of naam JIM, I said naam jiIM (with a rising tone, as I was asking a question). How it sounded - Me: Excuse me, can I have some vagina water? My friends nearly spit out their drinks and the waitress looked terrified.

Another example

A farang was swimming, and stepped on a sea urchin. He hobbled to the local clinic, blood dripping off his foot, where he told the attendant that he stepped on a hoy (shell) men (porcupine). But instead of saying hoy MEN he said hoy meN (another rising tone). How it sounded - Attendant: What happened? Me: I stepped on a smelly pussy. He eventually helped me - after he stopped laughing.

Here are a few more words and phrases which have alternate meanings if you say them incorrectly:

Sawng (2) can also mean whorehouse

kaw toht (excuse me) can also mean may I fart?

man (engaged) can also mean sterile

Canada mee hee maa mak mak (Canada has lots of snow) can also mean Canada has lots of dog vagina

kon khai dtua (ticket vendors) can also mean prostitute

glai (near) can also mean far

sai nom (with milk) can also mean shake your boobs

And last but not least, a Jewish chap John, who is well into practicing Thai with anyone who will listen, was proud to say sasana pben juu when someone asked what religion he was. It took him a while to figure out that Thais pronounce Jew as yoo - juu means penis. What they heard: Friend: What religion are you? John: I worship the cock.

Now some of us may say Thai Language is difficult but what about English "awake" and "a wake" .. one means to wake up the other means your dead!

Or if not spoken correctly can you appreciate the outcome of a conversation about a "new career venture" verses a "nuclear venture"....  yes it happened ... just like my Thai friend told me she was able to fix the plumber problem because she was a "deviate" instead of an "expert".